新东方网>英语>英语学习>英语写作>写作辅导>正文

英语写作技巧:善用从句,变化才是真

2019-09-11 17:13

来源:新东方英语

作者:

  一篇英语文章如果通篇都是简单句或者单一的句式,就会显得单调乏味、乏善可陈,也会暴露出作者的写作技巧之贫乏。灵活多变的句式能使文章增色不少,例如通过分词、从句、介词或形容词词组等将若干简单句整合成长句,不仅能使句与句之间的联系更加紧密,而且还能增强整篇文章的逻辑性,读起来也不会枯燥无味。同时,灵活的句式变化还能显示出作者对于语言文字的良好的掌控能力。当然,使用各种复杂多变的句式有一个重要的前提,那就是不能出现低级的语法错误,否则就会适得其反。

  例句点评

  Choppy: The Art ofStrategy was written by Sun Tzu. Itis a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a setof principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeatoppositions and win battles.

  Better: Inhis fifty-six-hundred word classic, TheArt of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principlesfor achieving triumph over opposition.

  【评析】修改前这段话的问题在于:(1)主谓结构过多;(2) written和writer、The Art of Strategy和it、a set of principles和they指代的内容相同,显得重复;(3)单一的句式结构不仅显得句与句之间的逻辑关系松散,而且显得文字效果单调。修改后的句子将原文包含的五个信息点(书名、作者、书籍特点/属性、主要内容、写作目的)囊括于一个长句之中,将“孙子提出一系列原则”(SunTzu put forth a set of principles)确定为最核心的主谓结构,其余次要信息分别通过两个介词词组(in和for)以及同位语的形式一一列出,条理清晰,符合英语的语言表达习惯。

  Choppy: Of course, theweapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive. The armies were very large.They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and humansufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.

  Better: Comparedwith World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzu’s time were quite primitive, but thearmies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just asprofound.

  【评析】分析修改前的几个句子可以发现,它们全都是在比较Sun Tzu’s time和World War Two这两个时期的武器(weapons)、军队(armies)以及破坏程度和人民疾苦(devastation and humansufferings),可考虑使用表比较的compared with结构。意思相近的还有in contrast to、unlike、similar to等。

  Choppy: Proverbsare short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.

  Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from longexperience.

  【评析】修改前的两个句子的主语proverbs和they指代的内容相同,因此可用which引导的定语从句连接这两个句子,改为“Proverbsare short sayings which are drawn from long experience.”为使句子简洁,可删去which are。

  Choppy: People change andplaces change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away foreleven years.

  Better: On returning after aneleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and placeschange.

  【评析】修改前的几个句子之间逻辑关系比较松散。分析这几个句子之后我们发现,它们之间的关系应为:“Jennifer离开了11年之后再回来,强烈感觉到人和事都变了”。修改后的句子把时间成分提前,后面是主次分明的主谓宾结构,句间的逻辑关系一目了然。

  Choppy: Beijing streets are crowdedwith taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. Thenumber has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statisticsshow there are now 2.1 million vehicles in Beijing alone.

  Better: Taxis, company cars andprivate vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets inrising numbers in the last few years—2.1 million vehicles at lastcount.

  【评析】修改前的句子中有三个主谓结构,句式结构显得比较单一,读起来令人十分乏味,且句与句之间的逻辑关系比较松散。修改后的句子是主谓加同位语结构,比较精炼、耐读,且逻辑关系十分清晰。

  Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. Itis a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. HermanMelville wrote it.

  Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggleof a man against a whale.

  【评析】修改前的几个句子都是围绕一本书的,书的名字、长短、主要内容、作者等等,但这几个句子句式结构太过单一,读起来完全感觉不到句子与句子之间的逻辑联系,且显得十分啰嗦。其实我们完全可以用一个句子来理顺修改前的几个句子之间的逻辑关系:“XX写了一本XX书,书名叫XX,讲的是关于XX的故事”。由此,我们可以尝试用过去分词形式(如called)、形容词形式(如long)以及介词结构(如of、against等)来连接原文中的几个句子,使句间的逻辑关系更为紧密。具体改法参见修改后的句子。

  Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now beingpreserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preservedas a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

  Better: Of the thousands ofbuildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclearexplosion,is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.

  【评析】分析修改前的几个句子,大意为“数千幢大楼都遭遇了同样的命运,唯独这一幢标志着核爆炸中心的建筑现在还被作为一个标志保留着,标明我们不希望再有更多的福岛事件”。修改后的句子用了“介词结构+主语+分词结构修饰主语+谓语”来连接几个看起来毫无关系的句子,使句间的逻辑关系更加清晰,又是一个突破简单划一的主谓结构的典范。

  Choppy: I have always had adream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. Iwould become very wealthy.

  Better: I have always dreamedof being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.

  【评析】修改前的句子连用四个短句,且几乎都是主谓宾结构,句式重复单调。修改后的句子将“我有一个梦想”和“我的梦想是”合二为一,即I have always dreamed of来定位句子主干,再引出梦想的具体内容“being a wealthy,famous writer”,最后通过过去分词结构将修饰语“读者众多”和writer相关联。很明显,修改后的句子主次分明、句式丰富且逻辑清晰。

  Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. Itis preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.

  Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserveddeliberately as a reminder and symbol.

  【评析】修改前的几个句子主语this、it和it,其实指代的都是同一个事物wreck,所以完全可以用同位语以及从句来连接,使其更加紧密。修改后的句子用了“主语+同位语/插入语+谓语”结构。

官方微信:新东方英语 (微信号:xdfyyw

听说读写译学习方法、英美剧最新资讯,请扫二维码,关注我们! 

猜你喜欢

  • 听力
  • 口语
  • 阅读
  • 娱乐
  • 词汇
  • 写作

            新东方英语辅导专区

            班级名称 上课地点 上课时间 费用 详细

            焦点2019免费送彩金活动

            精品直播

            版权及免责声明

            凡本网注明"稿件来源:新东方"的所有文字、图片和音视频稿件,版权均属新东方教育科技集团(含本网和新东方网) 所有,任何媒体、网站或个人未经本网协议授权不得转载、链接、转贴或以其他任何方式复制、发表。已经本网协议授权的媒体、网站,在下载使用时必须注明"稿件来源:新东方",违者本网将依法追究法律责任。

            本网未注明"稿件来源:新东方"的文/图等稿件均为转载稿,本网转载仅基于传递更多信息之目的,并不意味着赞同转载稿的观点或证实其内容的真实性。如其他媒体、网站或个人从本网下载使用,必须保留本网注明的"稿件来源",并自负版权等法律责任。如擅自篡改为"稿件来源:新东方",本网将依法追究法律责任。

            如本网转载稿涉及版权等问题,请作者见稿后在两周内速来电与新东方网联系,电话:010-60908555。

            热搜关键词
            博聚网